50 People I Know

Read about this on Jane's blog. You don't mention names and the people reading should NEVER assume that it's about them! Heck, for all you know, none of this is about anybody who actually reads my blog! Many are people from my past.

1. I really don't get why you contacted me after so many years, thinking that things would just pick up from where they left off! And you did it in such a strange way, as though we'd been keeping in touch all those years and just hadn't talked to each other recently. Things just don't work that way.

2. You were the one teacher I felt really believed in me rather than simply acting as my teacher. Your words encouraged me and gave me strength when I was so insecure. I still remember your surprise at me saying I wanted to go into teaching instead of the sciences since my science marks were so high. I still carry that idea of doing something in the sciences some day. And of actually completing the writing of a novel and trying to get it published.

3. You've been a great friend for so long! I'm so glad you came into my life. :) I do wish you would move closer though, even though I know that's not likely to happen. I can still dream, right?

4. I miss you. :( It still hurts that I couldn't make it to your funeral and I miss the smell of your Old Spice.

5. I miss you, too. :( I still wish I'd managed to get your recipe for peanut butter chocolate balls. :) I love wearing your sweaters.

6. I don't know why you stopped writing so unexpectedly nor why you didn't write back when I managed to contact you years later. I do wish you hadn't left my life like that.

7. Yes, I had the biggest crush on you. Everybody was right!

8. I'm still mad on some level at how you treated me. Dropped me without any hint you were going to do it then acted as though we should still be buddy buddy a year or so later when we saw each other again. I mean, really, the first thing you said to me was, "Hey, I remember you!" I could have slugged you. Oh, and I would have let you kiss me if you'd ever tried. :D

[INTERMISSION: I'm sitting here typing and my kids are talking about something and all of a sudden I hear "f**k" from my ds's mouth. It clicked that they were talking about what they wanted to see at WEM and ds wants to see the seals (les phoques--pronounced just like the English f-word).]

9. I don't get why you had to have that attitude when we saw each other that one summer. Totally pushed me aside. It ruined our friendship--or maybe had me see that it was never a real friendship in the first place. And yet, you wondered what had happened between us?! I'd be willing to try again, though.

10. I wish I knew where you were right now. It's been so long! Last I heard you were sick and I don't know about anything after that.

11. I dream about you sometimes and am always so confused in my dream because part of me knows you've passed on and yet there you are, still alive, as though somebody's made a mistake or it was all a strange dream. We weren't super close but I still saw you as my friend.

12. Thinking of you makes me smile. I hope we'll be able to more together when you get back.

13. I wish you didn't live so far away. It's always fun being together! Hopefully we'll figure out a way to get our families together more often.

14. I wish you would somehow get the help you need. It's sad to see your fluctuating happiness be so dependent on how you think others view you. And learning to accept yourself would help you accept that the people around you are different because they are different people, not because they don't care about you!

15. I totally understand what you're going through. I lived it for a number of years. I really don't know what to suggest to make things better, though. No, you're not being unreasonable!

16. I can't believe you would use a child that way to get me involved! I'm so disappointed. It may have been a few years back and you never actually brought it up as you having done it, but I'm not stupid; I know what was really going on behind that letter. I do forgive you, though, as you've probably been lied to about what all has really happened.

17. Have you ever seen a therapist who suggested you might be bi-polar instead of just depressed? You had a lot of bipolar symptoms by the time we were in high school. Last I heard you were refusing to take your med for depression. That was quite a while ago, though. I hope things are better now.

18. I know things are tough. It may even feel to you like you've failed. You haven't. You've just learned another way to not do all that. :) Remember that he's just a kid and isn't going to see things the same way and may not be ready for what you expect of him.

19. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure you've realized by now that you're gay and stopped contact when you did realize it. L. and I are fine with that. You were a good friend and we had the hardest time imagining you with a girlfriend (big clue for us!). You were always 'one of the girls', even in elementary. You don't need to shut the people from your past out. Will we all approve of you being in a relationship with another guy? Some might, some might not, but that doesn't change that you're our friend.

20. I heard about what you said about me. Thanks. :) You were probably the most decent one of the bunch.

21. I read you've got a daughter but you're not with the mom anymore. Make sure to always take care of that girl! And don't give her the grief you gave us girls growing up! lol.

22. You were a pretty neat guy. It's a shame your focus was so much on partying. I still think about what you said to me in class that one day--about me being an 'old soul' and having learned already all the stuff I needed to and you were a young soul and had to go through all the stupid stuff.

23. I've always wondered if you knew why I backed off--others around could see where we were heading and I'm sure you did, too. It was because you got your name on the honkers list. It was a smack in the face, realizing that your idea of socializing on the weekends was never going to match up with mine. Otherwise, you were such a great guy. But why'd you end up with her right away? And stay with her? On the rebound? Are you still with her? She's a controlling, crazy girl!! You deserve better!

24. You are wonderful. Always so supportive, even if you don't actually agree with decisions we've made. I really, really appreciate that.

25. You were not supportive. I don't think you really understood that I did know what I was doing.

26. You don't need me to homeschool your boy. You will do such a great job! You and your dh should just take turns. I'll still help if I can with the French. ;)

27. Take the time to accept him for who he is, that his interests are different and that he's not rejecting you or the kids by following through on them. Give him a break, too! He's been working hard for a long time on those house projects and maybe he hasn't said it, but he's felt burnt out. Maybe you could learn to do the work for those projects instead. ;)

28. Consider the differences between you and him and how the two of you grew up. Consider that he might prefer to stay put in a single house for a long time instead of changing houses because things aren't quite right. Consider your kids' attachments and the stress it adds, too! There's no perfect situation. Accept where you are or make it work!

29. Why the heck did you ask me to go out with you if you didn't even really want to be with me? What a waste of time!!

30. I know it might not have made a difference and I'm not even related, but I feel bad for not having been in your life more growing up. The issues with your mom, you having a baby at 18, the breast enlargement... I wish I could have helped you be stronger. You had nobody reasonable to look up to.

31. I love you to pieces.

32. You can do whatever you set your mind to! You really can! The dreams you have are attainable if you believe in yourself!

33. I sometimes get so frustrated with you because I don't understand why you do the things you do or see things the way you do and you won't explain, but I am glad you're in my life.

34. You really consider that a marriage? What sort of model is that for your girls? Are you sure it's not just a way to avoid the whole dating scene? Are you sure he's not cheating on you or living with some other woman? Have you ever made a surprise visit???

35. I hope you've managed to work things in your life out better. It may have been horrible for me to drop you as a friend, but you just wanted so much more from me than I could give. I still don't know if I did the right thing, but you were already so convinced that not calling you twice a week meant that I wasn't your friend.

36. I think it's neat we've be given a chance to become friends now. In the past, things just weren't structured in a way that would have allowed us to become friends really. Interesting how things can change when school doesn't force you into grade-level friendships!

37. You are such a spark! So much passion, so much life. I hope I can do right by you.

38. I'm still mad at you, still have a chip on my shoulder about the exam you gave and the mark you gave me. More to the point, I've got this fear of university-level math now, like I can't do it (although the rational part of me says I can). I do blame you. How could you give an exam like that??? It didn't even have to do with what we did in class for the most part. What, 2 people passed the exam??? The kid who spent his free time learning calculus and beyond and one other (who still only managed to get, what, a 6 in the course)?

39. You were the coolest. I still think it's hilarious you ended up on SCTV way back when. Not what I was expecting of a German prof.

40. I think it's a shame you never had kids. You would have made a great dad!

41. I wonder what you would have grown up to be like if you'd lived that long. Would things have been easier with you around? Or would they have been even more difficult?

42. I wasn't a snob, just really shy. Overhearing you call me a snob just made it worse! I became even more fearful of talking to people I didn't know.

43. I really wish you the best in life. I hope that you will find true happiness and will do something you are proud of. I know things at home and at school weren't great for you growing up. You were kind of the outcast of the class. But I think you just had a lot of pain inside.

44. You were such a witch to me and I, being years younger than you, couldn't really see it. I suppose it couldn't be helped with that mother of yours...

45. I've never actually met you or talked to you or had any contact with you, but I've heard ALL about you. You've got to grow up sometime and take a good look in the mirror. You are so desperate for friendship and hound people but you destroy the people you are supposedly friends with. Treat others the way you want to be treated!!! Do you know that looking at a list of characteristics of an abusive relationship, how you treated your supposed friend matched up with 80% of the characteristics? You are an abuser!!!

46. I've heard a lot about you, too. Is that the kind of life you really want to lead? You're going to end up pregnant, addicted to drugs and suffering from an STD... all before you graduate high school.

47. You've got so much potential, so many strong qualities. I wish I could remove from you whatever is inside that has you convinced you're no good. You could climb to great heights--if you let yourself!

48. I still feel what you did was wrong. It hurt so many people and I'm not sure you really gave things a fair chance, really did all you could. I do hope things will all work out for the best. Oh, and you might want to consider how much influence your significant other is having on you and what that is doing to your relationship with your kids. Especially with your oldest.

49. I still remember how respectfully you treated all of us and your comment about swearing-about how it just helped us be more negative and if we wanted to see things in a better light, not swearing was a first step. I still have no clue how that all came about since it had nothing to do with the subject matter, but I do still remember it. And I never developed a swearing habit. :)

50. I wish we could have spent more time together, gotten to know each other better. You've probably moved by now and we won't see each other again. You probably had no idea that I was so interested in you. I'm not sure we actually have a lot in common and could ever have been friends, but I was fascinated.