I wonder what Maria would have done...

...if she had but a few children in the classroom and they all showed up tired, crabby and easily weepy?

Love

“She [Maria Montessori] taught me that one's love for others is more important than all the education in the world,” he says.

http://www.thehindu.com/life-and-style/society/article560903.ece

The Freedom to Choose

I just had an a-ha moment while responding to a post in a Montessori homeschooling group.

A child's freedom to choose his activity can be thwarted by our own desires.

But I don't just mean by us actually stopping a child from doing this or that, saying things like, "You can't do that," or "You need to do this now."

Even our very unspoken desires can affect the child's freedom. How? 

Children can so very often sense what we are feeling, what we want. If we are really trying to convince a child, encourage a child in a specific direction, really hoping that they'll do xyz, this is, at its heart, a form of coercion. We are wanting to control the child's benign activities.

The Montessori philosophy allows the child to choose *whatever is good*. So, disturbing others is not an acceptable choice; doing any type of available work is.

If a child is choosing only math for an entire week, and we start worrying and trying to "get him" to do something else, he may either do so to please us, or he may reject our attempts and keep doing what he's doing, not necessarily because he wants to keep doing math, but because he wants to resist being controlled. Either way, he is not acting out of freedom.

Freedom is not attached to someone else's emotions. Freedom is never expressed through rebellion. Freedom is unfettered.

I admit it, I am wholly guilty of trying to get my children to work on certain things or of trying to encourage them to do other things. In the end, time and time again, I have seen that having no expectations on my part and simply offering different activities (and, of course, doing things myself), giving them the freedom to engage in them or not without any pleasure or displeasure on my part regardless of what they choose, is the most pleasing and satisfying way. For EVERYBODY. They are happy because they know they won't make me unhappy and they are choosing something they find satisfying. I am happy because my happiness isn't tied to what they choose and they are happy.

When will I finally learn and stop regressing to trying to coerce my children into doing certain things? Maybe never. ;) But, as FlyLady says, "Progress, not perfection." As long as I keep working towards truly allowing my kids to choose their work, to be a guide instead of a coercer, I will make progress. And so will they.

The No-Pressure Approach

I've shared before how important it can be for Mom to make sure she is a student, too, doing things that the kids would do (or that she'd like them to do), without any pressure on the kids to do so, and having her own "studies". Yes, it can be hard to fit it in, but there is such a payoff when you can do even the littlest something!

I've listed as an option for sometime for my 9yo son that he can do typing as part of his school work. Complete disinterest or resistance--there's a fine line between the two. While working with him at decluttering and organizing his room last night, I came across the SpongeBob Typing program I bought years ago. (I hate SpongeBob, but it was only $5 or something and I thought it could be fun.) I decide to check it out, with him in the room. (Yes, he has a computer in his room, our old PC.) I talked about how I'd never really looked at it and I got into it and started asking him questions because I didn't have a clue what to do and he'd previously used the program. When I was done, lo and behold, he went and did typing for about 20 minutes. :) I wouldn't be surprised to have him ask me if it's okay if he does typing today.

Another thing that has gotten started again: German. While working on his room the other night (yes, it's a disaster and is taking multiple days!), I started saying little things in German. We hadn't done German in ages. As I asked him questions (either in French or in German) about what he wants to do with things I'm finding , he started asking me what things were in German so he could respond in German. That led to me pulling out a type of picture dictionary we have (because I couldn't remember some words genders), which led to him wanting to learn to read some of the words there and then to do some work in his German workbook, which we also found during the room cleaning. We spent an HOUR doing German that night!

So, remember, if you're wanting your child to start working in a specific area, make sure YOU start working in that area first. :)